you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
