I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
