You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
