Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
