you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
