I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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