Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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