I puked a lego.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
