It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
