the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
