this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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