week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
