jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
