Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
