this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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