I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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