Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
