people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
