i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
