you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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