I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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