the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
