for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
