I love black thongs
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
