For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
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The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
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It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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