I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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