Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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