don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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