a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
