There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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