is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
