why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
