I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
