is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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