did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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