I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
