Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
