I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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