Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
