is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
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My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
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On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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