god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
