After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
dude. I can hear the air.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
