Jerry, you need to find god
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So gin and wine won't be happening again
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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