Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We got so high we made milksteak
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
