I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
