also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
