If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
