it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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