that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
