these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
