hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
