What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
