And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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