Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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