I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
