you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
