I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
