how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
