shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
