well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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