My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
