I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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