ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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