Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
