so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He shit in the fireplace
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
