I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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