Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Randomize
