Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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