maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
