I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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