She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
