im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
