i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
