I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
